Welcome back to the Social Stories Series, where we are taking a closer look at the ins and outs of social stories, where they might apply, and how you can create your own. 

In Part 1, we covered some social stories basics. In Part 2, we looked at some broad situations where some form of social story could be applicable. 

In Part 3, we want to talk a little more about the content that goes into social stories, what can be helpful, and what might not be so helpful depending on the situation. 

Let’s take a look at some common tropes we might find in social stories based on whether they are helpful or not.

Navigating social situations can be difficult for an Autistic person. They sometimes face invisible expectations that are never explained to them. It’s not a bad thing to explain those expectations. A helpful explanation can help someone make informed decisions about how they want to navigate a given situation with a better understanding of the pros and cons of their potential choices.

There are a few concerns with this line of thinking. While it might seem simple to describe a “correct” behavior that fits social norms, social situations are malleable, and the way in which expectations apply can be complicated. 

It’s one thing to describe the official procedure for going to a doctor’s appointment. It’s another thing entirely to try to accurately describe all the nuances of when to make eye contact and what type is appropriate. 

On top of the sheer impracticality of the advice, it also tells Autistic people that their natural mode of being is inherently unlikable and that they need to change (whether you intend it that way or not!). 

Add the reality that it’s up to a given individual whether they feel “liked” after a social interaction, and it’s easy to see how this kind of generalization isn’t the strongest starting point for internalizing the social story’s lesson.

Autistic people face two realities when navigating social situations. First, they are subject to unfair expectations when nothing is inherently “wrong” with the way they naturally communicate. 

Second, Autistic people like anyone else are capable of acting hurtfully toward others sometimes and may want to know how to do better. In some cases, it might be hard to distinguish the two! 

Focusing on why a particular behavior causes actual harm can be a great way to reinforce the importance of crucial values like respecting others and their boundaries. It can also help us catch our own prejudices - if we can’t clearly explain the harm of a behavior, then maybe we should ask ourselves why we are treating it that way!

On the other hand, sometimes those two competing tensions get lumped together under a single category, which could be broadly described as “appropriate” behavior.

It includes all those important concepts about respecting others and not acting harmfully. But it also might include some of those behaviors that are simply outside of common social norms that a given person doesn’t like. It reinforces all the most confusing parts of navigating social situations without offering any clarity in its own right. 

To be clear, we are not saying you intend all this when you use the word “appropriate.” We are saying that the ambiguity makes it hard for the reader to know. 

Here at AGU, when we catch ourselves using the word “appropriate” to describe something, we take it as a sign that we need to be more specific.

Social stories are tools for navigating situations that an individual is struggling to navigate on their own. A given social story might necessarily require talking about difficult realities or explaining the limitations of our choices. 

One way we can simultaneously talk about necessary and hard topics while building toward a positive outcome is by reinforcing the reader’s choices. It can be as comprehensive as a list of options the reader already knows have been helpful to a simple reminder that, whatever the expectations of others, the reader can choose what works best for them. 

When we emphasize the reader’s agency, we help them learn to choose for themselves rather than what they think we want them to do.

With that, we are wrapping up for the week, but we hope you will share your thoughts and experiences at hello@autismgrownup.com. In the meantime, stay tuned for Part 4, where we will dig a little deeper into making your own social stories!