Welcome back to the Siblings Series, where we are looking at resources, needs, and support options across the lifespan for siblings of Autistic people. 

In Part 1, we looked into some more generalized resources and organizations available to siblings of people with disabilities. 

In Part 2, we are focusing more closely on siblings of Autistic children in our discussion of common childhood needs. This post can be a helpful starting point for parents who want to be able to offer guidance but are not sure where to start. 

After all, siblings have a fundamentally different dynamic from parent or caregiver and child. Let’s dive into some areas where discussion or guidance might be necessary and some ways to get the conversation going.

One of the most important realities to consider when discussing Autism at home is that there is a lot of information and opinion out in the world, and instilling a strong foundation for support as a family can go a long way toward discerning what information is helpful or harmful. 

One crucial principle worth instilling early is that Autism is just a descriptive word for a wide variety of brain differences, and not something separable from who an Autistic person is as an individual. Our needs, preferences, and goals may differ from those of our family members, but they are still a fundamental part of who we are, and we can work together as a family to support each member in their unique needs.

Parents seeking to discuss Autism at home with Allistic siblings or as a family may wonder how to strike a balance between acknowledging differences in need and making sure an Autistic child does not feel singled out or like they are being treated as a problem. 

One helpful framework for discussing Autism at home is through the framework of working together to help everyone meet their needs and work toward their goals. We all have needs and goals, some of which overlap and some of which do not. Subsequently, we all need resources and tools to help meet those goals, and sometimes those resources overlap, and sometimes they do not. 

When we work together to get each other the resources we need, we can all grow and thrive together! This framework helps establish that sometimes it is necessary to address different needs without “othering” needs that happen to be more common in Autistic people.

One reality many siblings might face at one point or another is discussing Autism with their peers, either by coincidence or because a peer expresses curiosity or chooses to comment on an Autistic sibling. 

Siblings who find themselves in such a situation may worry they are not equipped to discuss it in a meaningful way or may not feel confident enough in their knowledge to dispute claims by peers that they might otherwise know to be false. While the frameworks we use to discuss Autism at home can be valuable tools in their own right, they may also help to work together as a family to create a script that everyone feels comfortable with when discussing an Autistic sibling with peers. 

A helpful script that everyone agrees on can be a valuable tool for sharing with peers who are curious to learn more! It’s also an opportunity to discuss what to do in situations where a peer may be acting in an unkind way or saying mean things on purpose. While we cannot anticipate every situation that might arise, some basic planning ahead can help inform what we do in the future!

SibShops are a helpful resource for younger siblings. Such programs are commonly offered for children aged 8-13, but you may find events in your area aimed at other age demographics as well. 

SibShops are a helpful place to discuss topics related to supporting a sibling with special needs with people who are experienced in offering answers to those questions and engaging with a variety of needs and situations. 

If you are a parent seeking out resources for an Allistic sibling, checking out the SibShops in your area can be a great place to start!

One crucial component of sibling connection is establishing and encouraging shared interests. It is a fact of life that siblings eventually develop diverging interests and will not be able to connect on every single topic. However, identifying and encouraging agreed-upon shared interests can go a long way toward building a closer sibling bond. 

Shared interests can help bridge the gap and teach the importance of developing a shared language and treating communication as a two-way street, and doing so in a leisurely setting rather than one rooted solely in providing or receiving support. When encouraging sibling connections, finding things that can be theirs to share can be a big difference maker!

With that, we are wrapping up for the week, but we would still love to hear your feedback at hello@autismgrownup.com if you would like to share your experiences as an Autistic person growing up with siblings, a sibling of an Autistic person, or a parent or caregiver. In the meantime, stay tuned for Part 3, where we will talk about common needs for siblings in adulthood.